At What Cost
by lupin's-wolvesbain
Summary: perfection,That is what she wanted to be. What she would do anything to become, even if it meant death. Warning, anorexia and bulimia,cutting. pov? Read to find out. Completely AU
1. meeting Starfire

Disclaimer: none of you are even reading this are you….oh well, on with the disclaimer. I do not own teen titans, or sweet blood or any other books movies or products mentioned in this fan fiction….if I did own them, I wouldn't be sitting her depressed and lonely in my tiny house at my crappy computer. I would be rich and using an awesome high-speed laptop.

Summary: Perfection- without errors, flaws, or faults, ideal in every way

That is what she wanted to be. What she would do anything to become, even if it meant death. Warning, anorexia and bulimia, (ana mia), cutting. pov? Read to find out. Completely AU

Raven walked down the hall, keeping her eyes down and her books to her chest. It was like this every day. No one noticed her. 'Who would want to hang out with a fat hideous gothic freak like me anyway' she thought as she headed toward the lunch table.

This was her lunch table and everyone knew it. She had been sitting at this table for over four years and everyone knew that they were to stay away. Not that anyone care anyway. 'after all…no one wants to sit with a weirdo.' she thought thinking back to when one of the drama heads had called her weird. 'the truth hurts doesn't it' a tiny voice in the back of her head said scathingly.

After getting her trey, she walked back to her table and sat down. She stared at her food, resisting the urge to gag. 'you don't want that' the tiny voice said sternly as she picked up the fork. She instantly put the fork back down.

Her stomach growled, but she was used to it. It didn't matter anyway, 'you are fat. you need to be perfect…and thin is perfection.' the voice told her harshly. 'you'll never be perfect if you eat…you don't deserve food…you deserve punishment, you need to punish yourself for attempting to eat….you are a bad BAD girl.' the voice rebuked harshly.

"Hi, I'm

Starfire, and I was wondering if I could sit with you…I'm new here" the girl said taking a seat on the opposite side of raven. Raven just glared. 'tell her to go away' the voice said sternly. Raven opened her mouth to tell the girl to leave but before she could, the girl spoke.

"Aren't you going to eat?" she asked, her smile never leaving her face. 'tell her…" "I'm kind of a loner….if you didn't notice" she said trying to give the girl a hint without being overly rude. "Oh…" the girl said, her smile faltering. "Well…could I sit here…just for today" she asked hopefully. Raven knew that she was going to regret it, but she sighed and told the girl that she could stay.

Raven continued to sit there staring at her food, and not saying a word. "Aren't you hungry" Starfire asked looking from Ravens still full plate to her half finished one. 'she's going to catch on' the voice warned. 'eat something…you can punish yourself later' the voice ordered. Raven sighed and picked up her fork, she took a tiny piece of mashed potatoes and put them into her mouth.

Fighting the urge to gag, she continued to eat until one fifth of her food was gone. She waited patiently for the bell to ring and stood and dumped her trey almost instantly after she heard the familiar ringing. She went to her locker and grabbed her bag and headed towards her destination.

She walked slowly, fighting the urge to throw up with every step. She made her way to one of the lesser used bathrooms and picked a stall. Lifting up the lid, she kneeled down and went through her usual ritual of sticking her pointer down her throat until she felt the familiar gagging sensation.

She held her hand steady, not giving in to the urge to remove it. After awhile, her gag reflexes had dulled and she had had to keep the finger there longer in order to get the same effect.

She could feel the muscles in her stomach contracting and she could taste the vile substances coming up from within her digestive track. She let it all come up, ignoring the pain of dry heaves. She held her finger in her mouth a little longer, making sure that she had gotten everything up.

Shakily, she took her finger from within her mouth and wiped it off. Flushing the toilet, she stood, her legs shaking and her heart pounding. Allowing herself to calm down, she flushed the toilet and put the lid and cover down. Opening her bag, she found what she wanted.

She held the blade in her hand, watching as the light glistened on it's shining surface. It was small, it was just a razor blade out of a disposable razor that she had taken apart. She rolled up the long sleeves of her hoody and looked at the many crisscrossing scars that covered her pale arms. In the beginning she had to punish herself a lot…it had been awhile, it was hard not to punish herself, even when she hadn't eaten or drunken all day. She was used to the pain…the pleasure of knowing that she was doing what was best for her. For some reson, she liked the power of hurting herself…it was like one of the only things that she could control…weather of not she hurt.

She ran the blade slowly over her skin, causing as much pain as possible 'I deserve this' she told herself, listening as the tiny voice agreed. She prepared to make another slit when a soft banging was heard on the door to the stall.


	2. playing pretend

an: ok, so i know you've all been waiting forever...and...welll

i sorry for that.

but i have to say...I'm glad to be back

_. ... .  
_

_Her heart raced._

_Not again._

_Not ever._

_She wouldn't go back._

_body check._

_mouth clean of vomit...sleves down...no visible abnormalities_

_did she know...? would she tell...?_

_she wouldnt go back_

_"a...are you ok"_

_so concerned so innocent._

_her thick accent laced with worry.her soft voice full of love...love for someone who didnt deserve it._

_when people carred..they got close..being close lets out secrets..._

_just like last time._

_NO...not again.Never again._

_standing she tried to steady herself.ignoring the wave of dizzieness that washed over her she awnsered in what she hoped was a confident voice._

_"i'm fine" It came out week and shaky...like her body._

_"i'm fine...just a little dissagreement with lunch." _

_her vice came out stronger this time.always stronger the second time around.. lies get easier the more you tell them_

_"i have some ... tummyums i think they are called if you wish to partake onto their chalky delight" the foregin girl said, her accent was thick and her words were broken but she understod what she meant._

_outwardly she kindly declined_

_inwardly she rolled her eyes._

_'tums'her inner voice scolded._

_ten calories_

_two carbs_

_two grams of suggar_

_all in a tablet no bigger than the nail on her thumb. _

_no...she would go without thank you verry much._

_"i'll be fine...i always am"_

_the last part of her sentence came out bitter._

_full of a hatred...hatred for herself...hatred for the world._

_Well...if you are of utter sureness"_

_opening the door she saw the familiar pale face framed by firey red hair. she could feel the green eyes that sparkled with worry and concern. penetrating right intoto the verry depths of her soal_

_a shiver ran down her spine. this girl carred...she worried...all for the girl she had just meat not even thirty minuets ago. _

_flashing a plastic smile she clutched her sleves in her fist and headed for the door. _

_not saying a word._

_not darring to look back._

_'mabey if you just leave she won't follow'_

_her inner voice whispered hopefully._

_it ddint matter what her inner voice was saying._

_it was always laced with venom_

_always..._

_even when it claimed to be her friend_

_she half expected the girl to run after her,or call out._

_to threaten her with the councilor._

_but she stood their._

_her sparkeling green eyes filled with confusion._

_"do...do you wish to ... be a friend to me"_

_the fireyhaired. girl was standing ther, wating for a reply_

_the sentence came as a shock... she seemed shy..almost embarreded about such a simple sentence_

_'I'M YOU'RE FRIEND!'_

_her inner voice screamed at her. full of rage._

_'you dont need her'_

_'you need ME!'_

_and again the bitternes filled her._

_it was a friend all right_

_a friend that filled her with hatred_

_for herself and for the world_

_a friend who's voice filled her with despair_

_and made her hurt herself_

_but it was still a friend..._

_her only friend._

_her green eyes sparkled with hope_

_she said it like a question._

_almost like when you just start kindergarden and your all alone. _

_your scarred shitless...but you pluck up the courage to ask the random kid next to you to be your friend._

_and somehow five minuets later your both colloring the same page in the whinny the poo coloring book _

_and it's like you've known eachother forever._

_you proudly declair to be best friends forever_

_and the fact that you just meat dosent matter_

_because your five and nothing matters but the fact that you've found a best friend._

_and in that split second_

_she lost controll_

_It might have been the innocence in her soft voice that made her awnser._

_or the fimaluarity of the suntuation._

_whatever it was...she wished it wouldn't of happened_

_because before she knew it she was being tackled into a bear hug by a sixteen year old foregin girl _

_chattering in her soft voice...so full of innocence._

_when people get close...they find out your secrets...when they find out wour secrets..._

_they locked you up_

_she looked at the girl with sparkling eyes and felt a wave of warmth wash over her_

_all because of a simple word._

_her inner voice raged. _

_but she couldnt help but smile._

_she had afriend._

_a friend whos smile was contagious.and filled her with warmth_

_a friend who's eyes made her shivver..not with fear or sorrow...but of something entirley diffrent._

_a friend. who's voice gave her hope._

_a friend who carred..._

_and even if it was only for a day._

_she could pretend._

_pretend_

_he was back in kindergarden._

_with her best friend._

_pretend that everything was perfect_

_and nothing mattered._

_because as long as she had her best friend_

_everything would be ok..._

_too bad you can't pretend forever._


	3. more like a nightmare

**AN: sorry it's been so long. it's taken me forever to get back on the writing track. hopefully i won't fall off again any time soon.**

**Disclaimer: don't own crap**

**Summary: Perfection- without errors, flaws, or faults, ideal in every way**

**That is what she wanted to be. What she would do anything to become, even if it meant death. Warning, anorexia and bulimia, (ana mia),mild cutting. pov? Read to find out. Completely AU and extremely ooc**

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**She could feel herself shaking, her heart thundering in her rib cage, sweat poring down her clammy body.**

**All because of a dream.**

**A simple dream...Filled with coloring books and happy smiles.**

**A dream filled with sparkling green eyes.**

**Turning over she glared at the beeping alarm clock. Three days. It had been three days since she had seen the cheerful alien. The thought almost made her laugh. She had secretly dubbed the boisterous girl that in her head. The cheerful alien. At first she had stuck around like a fly on shit. Always happy. Always inquiring about the dark haired girl's health. And just when she thought the girl was going to leave her alone BAM! she breaks out the A word. shuddering she glared at the ceiling, trying to forget about the scene that had played out just a few days ago.**

**It had all been so wonderful, they laughed and hung out, weeks passed and then a month...and that turned into two months. and for awhile she thought she might just have been happy. She was happy...until....**

_"'''"_

_"Friend Raven!" Starfire shouted from across the hall at the dark haired girl in the crowd. The shout went unnoticed by almost all in the hall except one. Raven laughed quietly to herself feeling the familiar smile tugging at the edges of her lips as she turned to see the redhead bouncing towards her. "hey"she said quietly, linking her arm with her hyper friend. "many greetings to you also friend raven" She smiled. It was impossible not to with someone as contagiously cheerful as Starfire so absolutely beautiful. She could feel the blush on her pale cheeks as she thought about the girl beside her._

_Glancing sideways she instantly knew that something was on Starfire's mind. "what's up?" she asked, trying to sound casual and failing did she have to be so gorgeous and loving and....perfect, so unlike herself. The younger girl seemed to hesitate momentarily before flashing raven a 100 Wat smile" "I have been reading a book" she said simply, her vague answer catching raven off guard. "and..?" They had stopped walking now, they stood facing each other in the middle of the hallway. "It is called...." again she hesitated. "starving for perfection...perhaps you have heard of it?" although the way she said it was quiet and almost...afraid Raven instantly tensed. She had most definitely read that book. It was about a girl with an... Sher forced herself to think the word ...eating disorder. Despite the fear that was now clawing it's way to her chest her face remained calm and questioning._

_"Haven't read it...is it any good?" Her voice cam out steady, only wavering slightly at the very end of her sentence. She looked at the floor, avoiding Starfire's accusingly caring knew that the redhead wasn't going to just drop the subject, but she couldn't help but hope. "it is about....Anorexia " She said the word quietly, like a child whispering a swearword to their parents when ratting out a sibling. "R..really? she couldn't help the crack in her voice as she shook slightly. "she is....." she seemed to almost stutter, emphasis falling on the last three words. She seemed almost embarrassed about saying them. As though they were something dirty. "A...are you accusing me of being...anorexic?" She spit the last word out almost violently. She didn't know where her anger was coming from, but she was instantly filled with rage. She clenched her fists, trying to force herself to be calm. Inwardly a battle of emotion raged within her, the most dominant feeling being denial. ".NOT. anorexic" the younger girl let out a squeak, almost afraid of her friends harsh reaction. Raven could feel the tears building in her eyes and she blinked to stop her tears._

_"b..b..but you don't eat and..." The redhead was abruptly cut off by the deep growl the emanated from raven's clenched teeth. "how can you say that? It was said barley above a whisper, but to Starfire it seemed like raven had screamed it at her. "I..I thought you were my friend" It was a ow blow, and raven knew it. but the feeling of betrayal was still there despite the fact that it was unjustified. "I am...and friends...help friends who are of needing help" she said it like she was sure of her suspicion. sure that she was right. and the betrayed feeling quickly turned back to anger as she snapped harshly back at the fiery haired girl. "you're not my friend" The hurt that swam deep within those green eyes almost made her knees buckle, almost made her beg for forgiveness....almost._

_"Take it back" her voice was low and angry despite the overwhelming desire to comfort her cheerful alien friend. This time it was the redhead's turn to be angry. "YOU take it back" Her green orbs glistened with unshed tears. "I'm not anorexic" she replied as though it made everything better, but her voice was hollow and the words seemed like a lie even to herself. "you are" the words seemed broken coming from someone so beautiful. "just like you AREN'T my friend" The words didn't come out near as harsh as she had intended them to. They seemed hollow and empty, just like how she felt. She turned away, not wanting to see the pain she had inflicted. not wanting to see those eyes she had once adored filled with an overwhelming accusation._

_and for the first time in months she heard the voice she never thought she'd hear again. "told you so" it seemed to say. its words laced with sarcasm. and she knew that it was right, and vowed to never disobey it again. '""''"""'_

**Sighing she rolled over. 'better get dressed' she thought bitterly, dreading the upcoming school day. She thought briefly about faking sick again...but decided against it. She didn't have any more sick days left, better to just get it over with.**

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**AN: sorry it's so short...i suck at life lol jp...or am i? lol**


	4. making up

AN: i know it's been awhile. but I'll update again sometime soon. i felt bad for letting you all wait for so long so right after this I'm gonna start on the next chappie witch you can expect Wednesday-ish

lol

and again, sorry for all the grammar mistakes. i suck i know.

and as always try and remember this is

extremely ooc and completely au

i think I've made you all wait long enough!

on with it!

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Eyes. She could feel them staring at her. Eyes forever boring into the back of her head... The same pair of eyes that always watched her wherever she went, following her with a look of caring accusation. the same pair of eyes she had been hoping to avoid.

"f..Friend raven?"

The soft plea sounded so full of pain. it almost broke her heart... or what was left of it.

Her reply was so quiet she almost didn't hear it herself and she was shocked to realize she could manage anything other than a whimper.

"what was that" Starfire asked, her ginger head snapping up.

hope. she hated it. hope made you week hope was for the foolish. yet the sound of hope in the voice of the beautiful girl before her sounded like rain in the middle of a drought.

"I said i was sorry..." She tried with all of her might to keep her tone apologetic and resigned despite the fact that the voice in her head screamed at her defiance. "I... I just." She sighed. what was she supposed to say 'i didn't want you to rat me out so I'd be locked up yet again and have to start all over' so she settled for the firm denial that played through her head over and over and over.

"I don't have an eating disorder" The redhead looked ready to argue but she continued before she had a chance "look... I know it probably seems like i do to you, but i don't."

This time Starfire took her chance to interrupt "but you have all the signs and i am of utter sureness that..."

"PLEASE" her voice was shaky and the volume of it surprised even her.

"Just let me explain" her voice was back to it's normal tone, quiet and near emotionless.

"i have a condition. It makes my stomach week... I've had it since i was born. my mom had it, only she had it a lot worse.

I can't eat anything heavy only light foods, no dairy, no fruit or vegetables containing seeds, very little grease...there are alot of foods i can't even digest."

She hoped more than anything that her voice sounded sincere and knowledgeable. She looked into Starfires eyes and she could see the doubt radiating from them.

"what is this... condition" again she hesitated obviously doubting the darker girls sincerity

she stuttered. she hadn't even thought that she'd be able to get this far. her mind raced for an answer and she blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"the doctors don't know..." at the look her once close friend gave her she quickly continued "they say it's a lot like...crones disease" inwardly she smiled a lot of the 'symptoms' she listed were from crones. "but it has a lot of differences...and they've run tests...but"

"crones?" the redhead sounded suspicious, yet the hope in her eyes was shining all the brighter. "yeah... it just bugs me, the whole eating disorder thing."

she hesitated.

she knew if she carried on their would be no going back. she would feel guilty but gaining back the redheads friendship would be worth it.

"I had a friend die because of one" Although not technically a lie she did feel guilty for using the girls kind heart to her advantage.

And it went just as planned.

Those gorgeous green eyes she had come to love filled with sorrow, regret and something she wasn't prepared for... pity

Both the quilt and the voice in her head reared beneath the surface, both of witch made her regret her twisted ways only one of witch mattered at the moment.

She didn't have long to ponder her feelings for she was tackled by a mass of flaming hair, the owner of witch proceeded to soak her shirt mumbling apologies and clinging desperately to the smaller girl.

"I. It's ok...you couldn't have known." Even through the watery eyes and hysterical sobs she couldn't help but stare in amazement at the girl before her. She didn't deserve her. Starfire deserved so much more than a lying vindictive horrible fat ugly shell of a person as a friend. She deserved someone truthful and kind..." 'and beautiful' the voice supplied filled with spite. Even as the pain that that thought caused ran through her chest she couldn't help but feel like the luckiest person alive.

"Starfire?"

the sudden deep voice caused the teary eyed girl to snap her head around.

and within moments it was as though she had never been crying at all, a bright smile plastered over her face.

raven tore her eyes away from the beautiful girl in front of her and followed Starfires gaze to land on

"Friend robin!"

Starfires gleeful sequel did not fit the definition she had in mind at all. He was the boy who had caused her hell for so long, the person she hated more than anything and he was walking right towards her, laughing with Starfire as she drug him across the crowded hall. "Friend robin" her voice was only matched by the bouncing skip she did as they made their way towards her. " you must come meat my very best friend...Friend Raven"

The sentence caused a warm gush of complete adoration to run through her body and for just a moment she almost forgot exactly why she hated the boy in front of her so much...until he spoke, his voice cold and stiff.

"we've meat" the voice caused a wave of hatred to rise up however the confused look on her precious alien's face made her hold her tongue. "nice to see you again robin" her voice was calm and polite, and despite the friendliness of her greeting robin could feel the malice in her gaze.

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BUM BUM BUM!

and so we meat robin, others will come later of course, whatever could ravens problem with him be? muahahahah lol jk jk

sorry its another short one


	5. For starfire

AN: ok ok i know, still a little short, but I'm trying. hopefully if i stay motivated i can have another chappie out by friday.

this ones not quite as angsty, don't worry I'm not going soft, their will be plenty of angst in the following chapters....well not the next chapter but the one after that maybe? hmmm idk lol i don't really plan ahead.

i don't own teen titans, or anything really lol

and as always this is completely ooc and au. and i apologies yet again for the gamer, no bete or spell check means lots of spelling mistakes. and for that I'm sorry, but it can't be helped my faults are my faults i just have to live with them.

peace love and pixiesticks

on with the story

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She could see the worry in Starfires eyes as she looked on between her two friends, eyes alight with curiosity, shining with confusion and so many emotions that Raven could feel her head spinning just from the intensity of her gaze.

"you two are of acquaintance?" her voice seemed almost excited... and for a moment Raven couldn't understand why.

Could she not tell that they hated each other? Could she not feel the tension... and then it hit her.

Starfire, Her ever optimistic, sickeningly, wonderfully naive alien friend...wanted them to be friends.

"we sure are" hollow. It was the only way to describe the expression on his face as he spoke, not quite looking at her but behind her.

If Starfire took any notice of his obvious lack of excitement she hid it well.

"This is of the most utter GRANDNESS!" The girls thick accent seemed to add to the shier joy of the statement and raven couldn't help but feel her heart flutter at the sound of it.

"now friend raven, friend robin and i can all become the best of friends and there shall be the trips to the mall and the eating of candy and hanging out and watching movies"

neither knew exactly what to do, so they just stared in awe, listening as the redheads voice rose in both pitch and excitement with each sentence.

"and their shall be snow fights and the staying of the nights... and, and... and lots of pillow fights and..."

"Uh...Starfire?" The look on robins face was almost comical as he stuttered, trying to find the words to describe exactly what he was thinking. "I... uh... I don't think pillow fights and sleep overs would be exactly ... um...appropriate for me and you" His voice seemed to crack slightly at the word 'appropriate' and the way he seemed to avoid looking directly at Starfire seemed to hint at exactly what kind of 'sleepover' he had in mind.

Raven stared, her teeth clenched tightly, not sure weather to laugh or shudder in horror as she watched the deep blush spread across the boys face. Deep inside she could feel something stirring, a strong seance of protectiveness and something else that she couldn't quite put her finger on rushed through her at the thought of the two of them together in Starfires room...alone.

'jealousy perhaps?' the snide voice threw in, full of mockery and disdain.

'I'm NOT jealous' she snapped back bitterly, all to aware of the fact that she was arguing with herself.

an argument she had lost even before it had even begun.

She barley managed to suppress the threatening growl rumbling in her chest at the look of cluelessness on Starfires face. "but robin ...whyyyy?" The bouncy girls whine was almost heartbreaking and raven was just glad that she wasn't on the receiving end of those big green eyes...

those eyes could make the devil himself sing Gospel.

She grimaced as a near hysterical laugh escaped from between her lips. silently she focused on the conversation, completely ignoring the confused look Starfire shot her.

"um..you see " Raven couldn't help but laughed inwardly as the blush spread even deeper over robins face, how she wished she had a camera at moments like this. "boy's and girls... don't really have sleep overs together" For some reason robin seemed to be having an extraordinary problem with explaining something so simple to the alien girl.

"but as a girl i had many a sleepover with all of my cousins, many of witch were boys and..." here robin cut her off. "yeah..um but that was family... and it's ok for kids, but not people our age" Starfire seemed ready to interrupt again but Robin seemed to remember the darker girl for the first time and his face switched so fast raven could have sworn he was bipolar.

"But... girls can have sleepovers" here he paused. Whatever he was thinking about was either highly comical or he had a few screws loose. Smirking to herself raven opted for the second option. The boy's not stable' she though almost laughing out loud as his grin grew even wider.

" and I'm SURE Raven would just love to have one with you." his face was smug, almost as though he expected Raven to shove away his claim. 'fat chance' the inner voice snapped, its tone bitter and laced with jealousy.

"Friend raven! would you REALLY?" the girl went from disappointed to ecstatic within seconds. Was everyone bipolar these days? One look at robin definitely hinted at yes. Turning to meet Starfire's gaze she did find herself faced with those beautiful doe eyes. "o..of course...how about this weekend?" She smiled, despite the nervous feeling clawing at her chest. that gave her at least a few days to prepare.

The resulting squeal left her ears ringing for three class periods and the look of utter disbelief on robins face made any amount of temporary deafness well worth it.

The bell for their hour rang and she couldn't help but wish for the first time ever that their lunch had lasted just a little longer. Even with Starfires cheerful chatter she couldn't help but feel the glare robin was sending her, it felt as though he was trying to burn a hole through the back of her head.

As they parted ways to go to their separate classes raven couldn't help but miss the cheerful friend. She had biology next..she hated biology. It was the worst part of every day, A class filled with two of the people she hated most. Robin being one of them.

Keeping her head down she made her way to the back of the class and sat in her usual seat waiting for the spitballs, paper wads or usual barrage of insults, but it never came.

Well...A paper wad came, but this time it wasn't filled with insults, but a note.

" **If you hurt her I'll kill you"**

Simple and to the point. She couldn't help but feel the ever familiar boiling anger rise up as she scribbled her reply.

_'Last time i checked YOU were the one who usually does the hurting.'_

she could tell that her reply hit home for his face reddened in anger. She could already tell that this was going to be a LONG note. They had never really talked after '_the incident'._ Just glared hatefully on ravens part and ignored completely on robins part.

**I was trying to help!**** I never had any other intentions than helping her she was SICK. ****you're sick****...**

_It's __YOUR__ fault that she was sick in the first place She would still be here if it weren't __FOR YOU!_

even as he read it she could visibly see him shake. She knew her words were harsh...but the truth hurts..it was all his fault. if he had just kept his mouth shut... She could feel the tears burning at the edges of her eyes but she refused to cry, she refused to let him see how much he had cost her.

**DON'T YOU DARE try and blame me. She needed help. It's not my fault she didn't want the help she needed, it's NOT MY FAULT!**

_It was because of what you and your little friend said to her that day...that it all started._

She had never let that slip to anyone, but as the tears crept on she wanted him to know, to understand exactly how much his fault it was. How much he had hurt much some simple teasing could cost. He was silent for a long time, just staring at the paper, his face an emmotionless mask.

**I don't believe you...**

Again she could feel the anger boiling in her heart but she let it go... let him believe what he wanted.

_Beleive what you want...it doesn't matter anyway. we can't change the past_

**I'm sorry. I really did just want to help.**

_ever heard the expression "the rode to hell was paved with good intentions?"_

**look... I don't like you, you don't like me, we've never liked each other and we never will. But I wanna...**

there was a mass amount of scribbled out words, where he had changed his mind on what to say probably a dosen times

and beneath it....

**...let's call a truce.**

Her reply was simple and plain but she knew it got the point across.

_why?_

again he sat unmoving for a long time, every once in awhile he would start to write, but scribble it out violently. She tried to pretend to be listening to the teacher but she couldn't help the nagging desire to grab the paper and shred it in front of his face, to scream at the top of her lungs, to release every bit of tension and hatred and resent she had bottled up over the all this time. instead, she sat calmly pretending to take notes... Trying with all her might to look indifferent.

**for Starfire**

She knew within an instant that she couldn't say no.

Two words.

Two simple words had annihilated over a years worth of hatred and resentment and every other foul feeling she had ever felt to the boy who she knew deep down had only been trying to help. Well... not really annihilated... It was still there, just as powerful, but now there was something a million times more important than expressing her hatred every chance she got.

she still hated him and him he,r but for Starfire....she would do anything even if it did mean being civil to her once most hated enemy.

No one said she had to like him. Just tolerate him...

The bell rang and she gave a curt nod in robins direction. "for Starfire" She wasn't entirely sure if he heard her or not but she didn't dare repeat herself, Her heart was still thudding, and the dry painfully feeling she always got in her throat when she tried not to cry was becoming more and more intolerable.

Like it or not she had long tried to suppress the memorys that hurt more than anything, but now they were right there, back at the surface and it felt like she was right back there, in the hospital watching as day by day her best friend in the world died a little more each day.

and as much as she tried to blame robin it wasn't his fault...it was _hers_.

"FRIEND RAVEN!!!!!!" the startlingly loud screech almost made her jump out of her skin.

She didn't have much time to think before the screech was followed by a mas of bushy flaming hair and a blur of words she couldn't quite understand.

all of witch was coming from Starfire who was bouncing up and down so fast that would make an epileptic jealous.

Despite the dark thoughts that still lingered in the back of her mind she started to loose up and her throat burned just a little bit less. Before she knew it she could feel herself fitting in to her other self. The happy, carefree Starfire inspired self.

Starfire was like....her own personal Prozac. The bouncy girl was impossible to resist and her moods were often contagious, not that she was complaining, when she was with Starfire everything was better. even the voice stayed at bay in the beautiful girls presence. She was like the sun amongst clouds or a bright yellow daisy in the middle of a desert.

She was ...Perfect.

"and we can do the girly stuff and talk of the boys and..."

For a moment raven felt lost.

"and we should rent a ...how do you say it...chickflick?"

She felt almost guilty for having tuned out her friend for so long. "sounds good to me" She said a small smile playing on her chapped lips.

Again the boisterous girl squealed in delight and continued to bounce her way to their next class. "so my house or yours?" at that Starfire froze. "um we shall have to be having it at your house" she was still smiling but her voice had lost a lot of it's bounce. Her face was molded into a perfectly placed smile one that even raven had a hard time telling was fake. Raven couldn't help wondering exactly what could get the sparky girl so down.

"that's no problem... my dad's out of town so we'll have the place to ourselves" She smiled as Starfires eyes light up, alive with planing for the 'slumber party'

While Starfire continued her list out loud, inwardly she was making a mental checklist of everythigng she would need to do.

clean,buy food,do laundry,rent movies the list went on and on.

she shuddered, she had really let the place go recently. her father was rarely home so she never bought food unless she knew company was coming.

less temptation that way.

"This will be the most excellent party of slumber EVER"

happily the two chatted quietly about the upcoming weekend,neither bothering to stop the feelings of excitement from bubbling within. As always whenever she was with Starfire her troubles were chased temporarily away.

And even when they came back the promise of the weekend was more than enough to make it worth it.

Starfire was worth it.

Starfire was perfect...she deserved nothing less than perfect and Raven knew she would do anything for Starfire...witch is why she knew she had to strive even harder for perfection....she had to be perfect...

perfect for Starfire.

anything for Starfire

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ok, so i know it's kinda not very long and rough and really not all that good. it didn't play out quite as smoothly as i had hoped and it's not as long as i had hoped. BLEH! I'm tired of changing it I've worked over it a billion times to try and fix the kinks but it's gonna have to do

sorry its not that long. I'll try and make up with it in the next chappie...

the slumber party dun dun dun

or best party of slumber ever! lol. yeah. not a whole lot of angstehness but more than i had originally intended so i guess its all good. does anyone have any theorys as to who exactly the mystery person is? well a friend obviously but ya know, i like my readers to be observant. XD I'm not exactly a master at subtly or surprises so bleh lol I'm trying though

the next chappie: the slumber party


	6. A Little More Bearable

AN: ok, ok I know, I promised to update by Friday…like 834947398579 Fridays ago…

I'm SOOOOOOO SORY! I really am. Gah I suck at this.

But yeah… as always I'll try and make it up to you with an extra juicy chappie sometime soon…no promises tho… I always seem to break those.

And as always I don't own teen titans, or anything at all for that matter lol

And as always this is completely ooc (out of character) and au. (Alternate universe) and I apologize yet again for the gamer, no beta or spell check means lots of spelling mistakes. And for that I'm sorry, but it can't be helped. My faults are my faults and I just have to live with them.

So anyways

Peace love and pixie-sticks

On with the story

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She could feel her heart pounding in her chest and for a moment she actually felt like she was going to die. She knew about heart flutters. She wasn't stupid. She had had them before, on and off; but this was something new all together. Her mind was racing a mile a minuet and her breath coming in short gasps. Her lungs burned and it seemed like no matter how much air she in took she only needed more. The deeper she breathed the harder it got to keep breathing. She could feel herself shaking, her vision blurring and the spinning room only served to make the desperate panicked feeling in her chest all the worse. Was this what it felt like to die? What if she didn't even get to see Starfire again? The tightness in her chest seemed to be getting worse as her mind raced on; conjuring up different scenarios; all of witch consisted of the fiery haired girl in some way.

She was supposed to be here by now. What if she wasn't coming? What if she was hurt…or didn't like her anymore? She though back to their argument and her eyes stung with repressed tears. She couldn't help but let a muffled sob through her clenched teeth as she fought to keep her breathing steady. If she didn't calm down she really would have a heart attack. And where would that get her? Taking slow deep breaths she focused on the wall, willing herself to calm down. The loud ringing of the doorbell broke through her temporary forced calm and she felt her breath hitch as her heart started racing all over again. The bell rang again and she forced herself from the crouched almost fettle position she had been in.

Glancing at the mirror, she grimaced at the red rimmed eyes and splotchy patches gracing her cheeks. She fixed herself the best she could and headed to the door. Relief flooded her in waves as her ever peppy alien friend nearly tackled her to the ground, chattering a mile a minuet. "Friend Raven; you did not tell me you were of wealthyness!" The girl seemed almost ecstatic, as though her slightly above average classification seemed to mean something of utmost importance. She seemed to be almost eerily at home as she practically bounced around the small walkway. "Come friend raven, tour me around!" She half sang, latching onto ravens hand and lacing their fingers together almost delicately. Raven couldn't help but blush as warmth flooded her system at the simple contact. Warmth was something she missed. She hadn't been warm in a very long time.

She didn't have to ponder the peculiar sensation for long because the alien girl was dragging her through her own house; determined to get the grand tour. "OOOOOH! This MUST be your room friend raven!" She squealed running forward and plopping down onto the thick comforter resting atop ravens old canopy bed. "However did you know?" Raven laughed, feeling slightly embarrassed at the slightly less than perfect order of her room. Her perfumes and makeup was in mild disarray and her hamper was full of her clean clothes because she had rushed to find the perfect outfit and panicked at the time, throwing them in the hamper instead of re-hanging them in their rightful color coded place. She knew it was silly; especially with the alien girl rolling about her bed like she felt so at ease; but she couldn't help but feel angry at herself. She had wanted everything to be perfect for when Starfire arrived.

"Friend Raven?" Starfire was looking at her, her green eyes seeming to almost glow; a slight pout on her full lips. The look on her face sent a shiver down ravens spine and she felt almost dirty as her body flushed with warmth "y…yeah?" She almost cursed aloud as her voice broke; but she fought the urge and waited expectantly for her bouncy friend to get to the point. "Do you not wish to join me in the romping of around?" Raven couldn't help to blush as the taller girl got up and proceeded to pull her over to the bed and push her down gently. She hopped next to her and proceeded to lay her head just inched from ravens face.

Raven could feel her face heating up as the girl snuggled even closer to her. "Do you know what it is of the time to do now" Raven could practically feel the girl's soft lips as they brushed her ear. She could feel the warm sensation in her face creeping vastly lower and she almost jumped as Starfire rolled over, positioning herself to where she was kneeling over the darker girl. Her green eyes were still glowing, her face set into a playful smirk. "It is time….for … the PILLOW FIGHTS!" she half squealed, grabbing a nearby pillow and hitting raven very gently with it.

It took raven a moment to catch up and she didn't even have tome to think as the bouncy girl above her suddenly began to tickle her sides. Raven wasn't a very ticklish person, but as Starfire's soft fingers graced her sides she couldn't help the bubbling laughter that broke from her lips. She rolled to face her, gasping in between bouts of laughter as she tried and failed to 'fight back'.

It seemed like as soon as the tickle match had begun it stopped. Raven, glanced up, still trying to catch her breath, feeling oddly tired from that tiny exertion. "Friend Raven?" She seemed almost scared, an almost unreadable look on her soft features. She seemed almost concerned as she reached downward, taking her hand gently in hers and beginning to turn it over. Raven jerked her hand away, feeling a jolt of pain shoot through her chest at the hurt look on Starfire's face. "A…are you hungry, I'm hungry…let's get some food." She stuttered, willing the other girl to drop it. She couldn't afford another fight with the girl so soon.

Starfire bit her lip, looking as though she really wanted to say something, but decided to keep the peace…for now at least. "OOO! That reminds me….we must watch the movies and eat the popcorn and drink sodypop and do the face masks of mud …and …and … and….." She seemed almost back to her normal self, and once again she found herself being dragged down the stairs straight to the kitchen. Raven had no idea that Starfire even knew how to operate a microwave let alone make popcorn, but she found herself presently surprised as the thick aroma of kettle corn filled the spacious kitchen.

Three popcorn bags and a giant bowl later they were seated in front of the TV, a pallet of ravens favorite blankets and pillows stretched out on the soft carpet.  
Even as the movie proceeded; raven was finding it harder than ever to concentrate. There was just too much going on. Starfire kept grazing gently against her side, and the intoxicating scent of popcorn kept invading her senses, making her mouth water and her stomach growl loudly. Every time her stomach would growl Starfire would look at her with those big green eyes and tilt her head slightly, pick up a piece of popcorn and feed it to her. "Better?" She asked again for what seemed like he hundredth time as she popped another piece of popcorn into Ravens mouth.

Already only halfway into the movie she could feel the fatty substance making its way to her stomach and thighs. The desire to get it out of her system was so overpowering she wanted to cry. But looking at Starfire's hopeful face, she couldn't bring herself to ruin the moment. She wanted the night to be perfect; and if Starfire wanted her to eat popcorn, she would eat popcorn…she would just have to work out extra hard tomorrow, and maybe restrict a bit lower too. Starfire's quiet gasp of surprise brought Raven from her muddled thoughts.

She was staring up at the screen her green eyes shinning in amazement. There was a light blush spread across her cheeks as she watched the steamy scene playing out on the big screen TV. For a moment Raven felt extremely uncomfortable, she wasn't quite sure what to do. Thinking back; Jennifer's Body probably wasn't the best choice of movies for them to watch but her alien friend insisted on at least one horror movie and Jennifer's Body was her favorite. She couldn't think of anything to do, so she sat and watched the movie, trying to ignore the blush that was rapidly getting darker on Starfire's skin.

"Are they in love?" Starfire's question caught her off guard. "Uum…I think so" She wasn't quite sure how to answer. For one, the relationship between Jennifer and Needy was never explicitly stated, but definitely implied; and for another, the way Starfire's eyes seemed to boar into her as though searching her soul definitely wasn't helping her think. "It makes more sense now" Raven quirked her eyebrow waiting for Starfire to continue. "Jennifer is …possessive of friend Needy, and Needy is always sticking up for friend Jennifer; even when friend Jennifer is hurting Needy." She seemed pleased with her logic; and Raven couldn't help but be glad that she wasn't the only one who noticed the love between the two lead females.

"Are you possessive of me Friend raven?" She couldn't help but let out a small squeak. "You are always fighting with friend Robin" She could feel the blush creeping up on her face. "I…I am possessive of all my friends" She replied, looking Starfire in the eyes and willing her to see just how much she cared for the other girl. "I am glad you are possessive of me friend raven; because I am possessive of you too." She leaned in, brushing her lips gently against ravens cheek, and cuddling up close to her before turning back to the movie. As the movie progressed she couldn't help but feel safer and warmer than ever before. Even the nagging urge to rid herself of the popcorn was quieted to an almost bearable urge. It wasn't gone completely; but it was slightly more bearable. It seemed like anything in the entire world would be bearable with Starfire's gentle arms wrapped around her, keeping her safe and warm. With Starfire here; she felt whole.


	7. delicious

_Authors note: I know I'm a couple days late, no apologies I suck I now...But alas here's the next chappie_

_Again the spelling and grammar is horrid and the fault lies solely with me._

_Memories, dreams and thoughts are in__** italics everything else is just the usual**_ basics_**. **_

_**Sorry it's so short**_

_**Anyhow on with the story.**_

_

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_

_"Come on honey just take a bite." Something was wrong. She couldn't quite place exactly what, but something was wrong. She didn't want food...why exactly didn't she want food again? One glance at the smiling woman before told her exactly why. "I only eat if you eat" The words slipped from her mouth with ease, it was a practiced reply, one that she had used nearly every day for a week. The smile slipped for the woman's face faster then the words had slipped form her mouth. Raven hated seeing her frown; she was gorgeous and the frown didn't fit her at all. She wanted to reach up and hug her, to tell her "It's ok to eat" but she couldn't. Raven watched in morbid fascination as the woman scooped up a tiny bite of the ravioli and brought it to her lips. She couldn't help but notice the slight gagging noise as the woman before her forced herself to eat just the tiniest bit of food and acted as though it were killing her. "There, now eat your food" She forced a smile, but it didn't reach her eyes. Raven took the fork from her and took just the tiniest amount form her bowl, the same amount the woman before he had taken and ate it, her stomach growling loudly. It took all her willpower to avoid devouring every morale, but she resisted. What was at stake was far more important. She couldn't stand watching the person she loved more than anything slowly waste away. The only time raven ever got her to eat was the small bites she would take to encourage the small girl beside her to eat. She pushed the food away, looking up into the woman's eyes. Her eyes were ravens favorite thing about her. They shone bright practically glowing and the tears begging to bloom only served to make them even more beautiful. "I only eat what you eat." She spoke softly a hint of defiance in her voice. "Why is it so hard for you to eat?" Sometimes late at night she would hear the gagging noises that the woman before her tried to hide and she would wonder how she could help. She had tried just about everything. The only thing that seemed to work even the tiniest bit was refusing to eat herself. The woman before her let out a tiny sob and rushed from the room. Normally she would go to her, whispering condolences, telling her she would eat, begging for her forgiveness…but not now; Not anymore. _

_By giving in to her it gave her the power to refuse to eat while still getting raven to eat. Raven refused to do that anymore she wouldn't let her best friend in the whole world waste away day by day. If she had to stop eating to get her to eat she would. It wasn't just that she was too thin, it was that everything she loved seemed to be wasting away with her body. She no longer sang or dance around, she hardly smiled…she was a shell of her former self an raven wanted the old her. She wanted to be smiled at and sung to and tucked into bed at night, she wanted her best friend, and most importantly her mother back._

_Slowly she got up, scrapes the food into the trash and walked to her room. She tried her hardest to ignore the cries coming from her mothers room. If this is what it takes then so be it._

The uncomfortable pain in her stomach was almost unbearable; although that was most definitely not what woke her. Blinking the sleep from her eyes she glanced at the redhead lying next to her. She was so beautiful. "Not like me" she thought angrily catching a glance of herself in her vanity mirror. Her normally bright and clear eyes were bloodshot, her skin was covered in splotches from the tears she didn't even remember crying. Groaning she gently pried herself form the aliens grasp and made her way downstairs and to the basement. In the beginning it had been about helping someone else…but now. She put an immediate halt to her thoughts. Now was not the time to get herself worked up.

She padded over to the worn out exercise equipment being as quiet as possible and began her routine with more vigor than ever before, she could feel her heart thudding painfully but she didn't stop. She couldn't stop. She worked diligently for another thirty minuets before gasping painfully and slowing her pace. She allowed herself to cool down, running lightly on the treadmill for what seemed like hours. Despite the utter exhaustion she still didn't feel like she had exercised enough. It never felt like enough. Her muscles screamed in pain and her vision swam before her eyes,. Her breath was coming in short gasps but still she didn't stop. She pumped herder, willing her legs not to give out. She could feel the darkness coming on, but still she pumped her screaming muscles faster. Just like all the times before when she pushed herself too far her world suddenly went black. The sharp pain in her head was nothing compared to the pain in her legs. They felt like they had been run over by a car. Her stringy muscles were cramping painfully bringing tears to her eyes. Water. She needed water. Getting up she limped her way to the fridge. She guzzled the water down opening up another bottle after the first, and another after that. She continued to drink until she felt like her stomach was going to burst. By the time she was done her legs felt a tiny bit better, and her head wasn't quite as groggy, but she still felt sick. 'probably all the water' She told herself as she made her way over to the yoga mat. Glancing at the clock she knew she still had plenty of time. She began the second part of her routine. She did sit ups until she felt so sick she actually threw up some of her water, but didn't stop there, she lifted her small15lb weights until her arms were cramping nearly as bad as her legs. Only when every part of her body felt like it was on fire did she stop. Even then it still didn't feel like enough.

She limped her way back upstairs to her bedroom and silently gathered her clothes for the day, smiling softly at her sleeping alien friend. Half an hour later she stepped shivering violently out of the freezing shower. Her lips were blue an her skin deathly pale, ever her hands were blue this time. Usually it was just her fingernails, but even the skin almost to her wrist was tinted a pail blue. She desperately wanted to climb into the bed with Starfire and soak up some of the cheerful friends warmth but she wouldn't let herself. She made her way back down to the kitchen and cook her friend a feast, taking some of the food and rubbing it on a plate making it look as though she had eaten she set it on the table before going to wake her friend. She didn't even get halfway up the stairs before Starfire nearly knocked into her. "Good morning friend raven!" She grinned at her. "Morning" she tried to grin back but her stomach was churning after having cooked the food. She felt so sick. "I made you breakfast" she replied cheerfully, grabbing the taller girls hand and dragging her to the kitchen. She made a show of putting her used plate in the dishwasher before sitting at the table with her herbal tea and watching as Starfire savored every tiny morsel making approving moans as she ate. Raven couldn't help but blush at the growing warmth in her neither regions at watching the girl before her lick her lips. It seemed like everything Starfire did was sexual. She ate slowly, moaning and licking her lips after what seemed like every bite. Her green eyes practically glowed with appreciation for ravens hard work.

When she was done she slid over to raven and hugged her tightly. "That was _delicious _friend raven!" she practically moaned, kidding her on the cheek. Raven could feel her face heating up and she welcomed the warmth. She was still a little cold Starfire grabbed her hand and tugged her to the living room here she popped in the chick-flick they hadn't gotten a chance to watch the night before. Again she snuggled close to raven, latching their fingers together and wrapping her arm around the smaller girls waist.

Raven smiled. Despite the gnawing pain thought her body she felt happy again. She was well on her way to being perfect for her gorgeous alien friend. She sat and watched the movie soaking up the warmth, the smile never leaving her face. Life was good.


	8. somehow

**AN: okay...so it's been...more than awhile**  
**I've been going through a lot of personal things lately. and i haven't had time to breathe let alone write**

**I still don't have a spell check program**

**and im still probably not going to be updating regularly but im going to try to get this story finished.**

_a little known fact about me...I've suffered from Bulimia and e.d.n.o.s. since i was in 8th grade...so for over 10 years now I've been struggling with a never-ending battle within myself. I've tried...so hard to beat this disorder. i don't talk about it, not to people in 'real' life at least, I've only told two people my whole life about my disorder, I'll have my good days, where I'll be almost okay and i can keep the thoughts a bay and then i have my "fall off the wagon" days which for the last year have got ever more increasingly frequent. sometimes I think I'll never be free._

_this story for me is both a comfort...and a trigger. it gets hard to write because writing it makes it real, makes it more than my dirty little secret i try to pretend doesn't done pretending. this ed is a part of me and I'm pretty sure it's never going away. it's so out of control right now, I need this story. I need some way to get it all out_

so...having said that id like to say...

**eating disorders are no joke, they consume a person like a parasite, eating away at their hopes and dreams and hobbies at their very soul. that take over every though every action every breath you take...if you or someone you know is suffering or you think someone may be showing the early signs of an eating disorder please seek help, talk to them, do whatever you can to be free yourself/ help free them from the slow poison eating disorders are.**

**if you find this story triggering in some way please don't read, turn back the page and read something else. i know what its like, don't let it dictate who you are...as impossible as that sounds**

anyways DISCLAIMER: don't own blah blah blah the usual. don't own don't sue

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She sighed, rolling her eyes for what felt like the millionth time in the last hour. She couldn't help but flush slightly as Starfire's bright ringing laughter rang across the small courtyard. It was a bright warm summer day, people were bustling around in their shorts and tank tops, all in their own little world with their own problems and agendas. She tugged subconsciously at the thin fabric of her long selves feeling oddly naked in the pale grey fabric. She was used to wearing black, but Starfire insisted that she would 'burn up" The shirt was pale grey and made of thin soft fabric, slightly lighter almost sheer stripes ran horizontally across the soft fabric. she tugged it up self-consciously about her shoulders. it was about two sizes too big, having come directly from Starfire's closet. it, along with her dark denim jeans looked oddly out-of-place in the sea of bright summer clothes. "You've got some ice cream on your nose' She ground her teeth against the smooth tone of his voice, a small growl escaping her lips as he wiped the bit of ice cream from Starfire's nose licking the cream off his finger. Her bright laugh did nothing to dull the growling beast in her chest

"You have some on your hands friend raven, it is melting most quickly, you have to eat faster." Starfire giggled; taking a large lick from Raven's ice cream. 'Mmm' she moaned appreciatively. Raven let a small smile tug at the edges of her slightly chapped lips. "I'm not a big fan of ice cream, I'm more of a frozen yogurt person" she took a small lick to appease her alien friend. Out of the corner of her eye she could see robin frowning, his face set in a mask of concern. "What?" she half snapped, tired of him looking at her. He didn't speak, just kept eying her. "Friends, let us ride the coaster of rolling!" she jumped slightly as Starfire grabbed her ice cream free and started dragging her towards the nearest roller coaster. She couldn't help but let her jealousy kick in as she grabbed robins hand as well, she let her ice cream slip from her fingers as Starfire gave another large tug. "Need a napkin?" robin offered her a sanitary hand wipe from within his shoulder bag, she took it without saying anything and merely cleaned her hands, tossing it in a near-bye trashcan.

The pier was bursting with noise and movement, the large roller-coaster line was packed in a long winding row. "Uh...Starfire?" she glanced at the beautiful girl bouncing next to her. The closeness of so many people had her feeling claustrophobic. "yes friend raven?" The bright look of excitement on her friends face made her bite her lip. "uh ' she hesitated. "never-mind" she forced a smile, doing her best not to let the panic clawing at her chest get the better of her. "Hey raven, why don't you go get us all some corn dogs while we wait, it's a long line...and it'll take a while" She couldn't quite place the look on his face. it was like a crude mix of pity and concern and dare she say it...regret. she stood there for a minuet debating. She was torn between escaping the ever increasing feeling of being smothered and her desire not to leave them alone together.

"Robin! Starfire!" the familiar shout from across the line made her mind up for her. "Beastboy!" Robbin shouted back waving the shorter messy haired teen over. She found herself being shoved roughly back when 'Beastboy' and robin chest bumped, Beastboy flinging back and landing into her. "Yeah, im gonna go get food" she picked herself up off the ground, ignoring the outstretched hand and apology from the short boy above her. She quickly made her way to a less crowded area of the pier and took a seat on a bench, inhaling the sweet oxygen shivering in the warm wind. Even with the shinning sun she still felt oddly cold, and hollow. she could see the long line for the roller-coaster in the distance, the bright fire-red speck of Starfire's hair marking her friend's position. She looked around searching for a corn dog booth sighing in relief when she spotted on that wasn't swarmed by people.

She silently searched the menu for something even remotely edible, everything was either fried and greasy or full of preservatives. She spotted a dill pickle on the menu and ordered it along with a bottle of water , not bad, she reminded herself, only 40 calories for the entire pickle and water was calorie free, she ordered two corn dogs and a veggie-dog, grumbling the last item out, knowing that Starfire would think her rude if she didn't get something for their other friend. She got three small soda's and a drink carrier, before setting back towards the line. She was pleased to see the line had moved quite a bit in her absence and quickly made her way to the mass of flaming hair in the distance, ignoring the grumbles of protest of those she passed.

"That smells heavenly friend Raven!' Starfire greeted her with a warm smile. 'Here" she handed them a soda each and a corn dog. "It's a veggie-dog" she mumbled shoving the veggie-dog and soda into Beastboy's hands. 'Um...thanks' his slightly scratchy high-toned voice squeaked out. She pulled out her pickle and took a small bite, glad to see that Starfire didn't comment on her choice in food items. "So uh...long time no speak" Beastboy shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. Raven rolled her eyes. "yup" she didn't want to be angry at him. She hated him less than Robin and she was being civil to Robin but he wasn't nearly as close to Starfire either, so the "for Starfire" chip didn't apply to him. "You know it was Raven who gave Beastboy his nickname" Robin broke the awkward silence causing Starfire's eyes to go wide. "Another friend of friend ravens! oh glorious day!' she bounced up and down excitedly.

"Yeah, we were in second grade, and Beastboy went nuts in science class when he found out the 8th graders were going to be dissecting animals." Robin chuckled ''He even cried" Raven smirked at Beastboy from behind Starfire's back. Beastboy flushed but nodded. 'It's true" he shrugged. "and Raven here, she came up with this crazy scheme to free all the animals." Robin continued. "She was the mastermind behind all our crazy schemes back then." Beastboy commented a small sad smile on his lips. 'So long story short, we break into the science lab, and stuff as many animals in our clothes and bags as we could and haul balls out of the classroom, and the principal comes out" here Beastboy quickly took over the story, his high voice ringing with laughter "and he was hella pissed, he's screaming and shouting and I've got like six rabbits some toads and a kitten all down my shirt and there's like ten mice in my pockets and they all are trying to jump out and the principle's screaming at the top of his lungs."

Robbin cut back in "and raven's in the back with a turtle on her head held there by her hood and she's clutching this huge rabbit that had to weigh more than she did and'' robin took a breath "she just starts screaming" they both continued together "run Beastboy run" raven cracked a small smile at their joint impersonation of her. "and she throws the bunny, kicks the principal in the shin slides between his legs grabs th bunny and pulls the fire alarm., kids are pouring from the classrooms teachers are shouting for calm and here we are with a couple of dozen animals between the three of us all down our pants and shirts, i think there was even a goldfish'

''Oh my god i forgot about the goldfish!" Beastboy burst out laughing "We put it in a soup tin from our lunch pail and dumped it in the creek near-by." Raven cut in with a soft smile. "After all the confusion died down we eventually got caught" Robin chuckled "but none of the animals did" Beastboy laughed proudly. "i served six months of detention for that..." raven looked to the sky, not wanting to meet their eyes. "and we've called Beastboy... well... Beastboy ever since." Robbin looked at Ravens upturned face sadly. 'and what are you not of the same closeness now" Starfire's bright green eyes seemed glued to Raven, as though seeing right into all her darkest fears and secrets. "we just kind of... grew apart" Raven shrugged, silently daring either of the two boys to dispute her claim. "Well you have been reunited once more!' she giggled, grabbing Ravens hand making her flush.

'You must sit with me friend raven! she tugged her over to the loading ramp."sure thing Starfire" Raven grinned as she took a seat , a familiar feeling of warmth flooding her neither regions and Starfire buried her face in the crook of her neck, Starfire's soft lips brushing her cool skin. "you will hold my hand right friend raven?" She swallowed those big green orbs doing very bad things to her private areas. "of course' she let out a small squeak as Starfire kissed her cheek just inches from her mouth. "that's not all she wants to hold' she heard Beastboy mumble to robin from behind them. "Look at how red she is" Robin chuckled. She turned around to glare at them but Starfire's squeal of terror jerked her back around. By the time the ride was over the Fiery haired girl was practically in Ravens lap, her arms firmly around Ravens neck. "WE must go again" she shouted, practically vibrating in her seat as the 'car' rolled to a stop. "really?" Raven raised an eyebrow. "Oh yes friend raven it was most enjoyable!'' "Sounds fun...but i call dibs on riding with Starfire next round." Robin helped Starfire out of the cart. "such a gentleman" Raven snorted, helping herself out of the car.

They all chatted happily as they waited in line for a second turn on the roller-coaster, or Starfire and Robin chatted happily and Beastboy and Raven watched content in the silence. Overhead the sky was beginning to look dreary, dark clouds having rolled in , the rumble of thunder bringing a much-needed promise of rain in the dry summer weather. Raven inhaled deeply, the smell of the approaching rain making her head spin slightly. She loved the rain, there was nothing more calming than the pitter-patter of raindrops on the sunroof, the dripping water making designs on the all glass walls and roof. She sighed contentedly, watching Starfire bounce up and down faster with every step closer they took. "I think I'm gonna sit this one out" raven ground her teeth as Starfire climbed in next to Robbin her hands clutching his arm with an iron grip. Her stomach churned at the thought of her head buried in his neck, her lips on his She shook her head, "You guys have fun I'll meet you at the finish line." she turned to leave surprised when Beastboy slid up next to her. "Hey..." he held her rapid pace with ease, being on the school track team had its advantages she guessed.

"hey" she shrugged returning his weak smile with one of her own. "look..I'm" she held up her hand, silencing him. 'i get it...it..." she sighed. "it wasn't you fault...i get that now" her frowned. "look...i know you probably don't wanna hear this but...i care...i mean we both cared about you a lot. we only contacted that hospital because we were afraid you'd" she winced at the silence following the sentence he couldn't finish. 'die?" she finished it for him. "uh...yeah" he scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "look...i know what we did was wrong but...i still worry about you ya know, i see you in the halls, at lunch, you never eat" she ground her teeth together, willing herself not to fly off the handle like she had with Starfire.

"i just...i don't wanna see you get hurt" he cupped her chin making her look into his eyes. They were a bright grass-green, much like Starfire's but vastly different.

Starfire's were warm and full of love, calming and beautiful, while Beastboy's held a different kind of light, wild and animalistic, a spark of energy that never seemed slow or dissipate in any way. She flushed looking away, uncomfortable with his intense stare. 'i care about you Raven, i always have, and i know Robin does too, even if he doesn't want to admit it. "just...Take care of yourself okay, i don't want to see you in the hospital again" Ravens head snapped up "are you threatening me" Beastboy surprised her by laughing. "no goofball" he ruffled her hair like he used to when they were kids "i learned my lesson the first time, i just meant...i don't want you to get bad...like last time, even if we hadn't rat-ed you out you would have ended up there soon enough anyways" She knew even despite how much she hated to admit it, that he was right.

"you don't have anything to worry about...trust me." she glanced up at the off ramp glad to see Starfire's hands up in the air and Robbin looking much less excited. apparently she had gotten over her fear. Raven chuckled, standing and walking to her friend where she was tackled into a bear hug.

Beast boy cracked a small smile, heart aching but content at the sight of them together "somehow raven..." he sighed "I think you're right."

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second AN: sorry it's not that long, and as always my spelling and grammar stink.  
it wasn't a very angsty chapter and it was written in kind of a hurry, but its done.  
just a sweet reuniting chapter before the heavy stuff takes back over

decided to add in a bit of a one-sided BeastboyXRaven there, not sure how far I'll take it

hopefully I can stay on track

next chappie is going to be a good one, we meet Blackfire, learn about Starfire's not so perfect home life and more BeastboyXRaven (one-sided) and the beginnings of StarfireXRobin romance and of course jealous heartbroken raven and the return of the ed stuffs


End file.
